Ok, so I've confirmed I'm at the right airport (a mid-ride panic suggested otherwise), but my carpal
tunnel wrist brace is in my mother's dryer. I knew the danger of that happening when I put it in there.
I even told myself to make a note, but forgot in the short time between closing the dryer door and
walking upstairs.
A lot has been getting forgotten these past few months and the ubiquitous lists aren't helping.
There is too much to consider when undoing a life and planning an open-ended journey.
And my usually efficient, focused, task-oriented brain has apparently begun the vacation without me.
Thus, the ride to the airport was punctuated with statements of alarm. "Where's my ticket?"
"Did I pack my sunglasses?" "I forgot to pack fruit for the plane ride." "Are we even going to the right
airport?!" And accompanying me was one suitcase too many
(see Sherpa Wanted).
Lists used to help my perpetual motion brain maintain control. My second husband mocking me one time (gee, was it only once?!) offered -- when I was in a tizzy about something -- to apply a cool list to my brow. But, now when I really need it, the list making is beyond my capacities and isn't providing the necessary assist.
I tried making subject lists, e.g., health, finances, moving, safety. Then I switched to activity lists, e.g., web work, phone calls, appointments. Finally, recognizing deadlines bearing down on me (like moving out of my apartment), the lists became time oriented: "must be done by end of December (when apt. was up)," "must be done before leaving Massachusetts," "must be done before leaving DC," must be done before leaving San Francisco," and here I sit with a list of things that I am doing from Manila yet. You can't imagine how sick of myself I have gotten.
But soon enough, the lists won't matter. I either have storage insurance or I don't and hope neither burgulars nor rain find my unit appealing. I either get the visa at the Laotian border or I don't and miss seeing that country. I either print out a list of consulate offices or I don't and pray I don't need them (like when I insist upon entering Laos anyway!).
I know that there will be more to this trip than seeing natural beauty, appreciating architectural wonders, and enjoying other cultures. I know that I will be changing and growing and finding other ways of being and the letting go of control will be a part of that. I look forward -- perhaps with some skepticism -- to these changes, whatever they'll be. Maybe I ought to make a list of the possibilities...