I'll Take Door Number Three

Do you have what it takes to be a budget traveller in Southeast Asia? Take this simple Lodging Quiz and find out!

1. You've secured a room that has its own bathroom! Which of the following items will be considered optional (you may chose more than one):

a. a bathmat b. a bathtub c. a shower curtain d. a separate shower stall e. a shower f. soap g. toilet paper h. towels

i. a mirror j. a light k. a door l. electricity m. hot water n. a sink o. a western-style toilet p. a toilet that flushes itself

If you circled all of the above, your answer is correct. I think I was only in one bathroom that had all of the above items. However, they do offer amenities you might not expect. For example, in Vietnam, it was common to find a comb in the bathroom, not a new comb wrapped in plastic, mind you, just a comb -- presumably there for universal use. Also quite common is the spray hose next to the toilet much like the nozzle with which some kitchen sinks are equipped (note blue hose in picture). This is to be used in lieu of toilet paper. My cousin Rehana made the best case yet for this method of self-cleaning, "If you stepped in dog doo in bare feet," says she, "you wouldn't feel clean enough just wiping it off with a tissue, would you?!" Good point, but I've yet to understand how one dries after such cleaning. In fact, due to the unpredictability of said nozzles, I find it best to remove all clothing below the waist before using. Too much information? Then I won't even begin to discuss the use and dangers of squat toilets! I was actually excited to get this bathroom -- with a western-style toilet (however, you had to flush it yourself), a sink , and a mirror! Note "shower."

2. To have this view and proximity to the beach

in this cute little bungalow,

would you take this bathroom?!

The barrel of water (yes, that's water with a lot of iron in it -- err, I hope that's what it was!) is for flusing the toilet. The only other thing in this "bathroom" was a shower nozzle. And I paid extra for it!

The answer is yes. String up your hammock on the porch and watch the palpable envy of others while they lie on the beach, brushing sand out of every crevasse, jostling for what little shade exists, and cursing because they left their sunscreen in their bungalow way up the hill. Keep your shower shoes (also known as flip flops) handy (my feet have never touched the floor of any bathroom on this trip!) and try to plan use for daylight or whenever the electricity is on. You'd be amazed at what you can get used to.

3. Aside from the bathroom luxuries alluded to in previous questions, what makes a room a cut above the rest?

The correct answer is "a." The reading light has come to symbolize living high and I still get excited each time my room has one. You learn to very quickly assess a room, each person no doubt having a different set of measures. For me, the assessment begins with location, both within the city/town/beach community and within the overall hotel/guesthouse/complex. Then I scan the room for cleanliness, security, ventilation, and likelihood of claustrophobia. At first, I would refuse a room with a squat toilet, then I realized how limiting that was. One of the best rooms I had in Thailand provided bottled water, toilet paper, soap, towels, a strong fan, great water pressure, inexplicably -- condoms, and a squat toilet. The room I had taken in desperation the night before had none of that, but offered a western-style toilet. However, if you circled "d," you are also correct. Pacifist that I am, there are many roosters I would have personally strangled had they been near enough for me to do so. And don't think they only crow in the morning! But there is always some noise to keep you up or wake you up. Fortunately I do have super earplugs, but can't wear them if I also need to hear an alarm. Suffice to say I haven't slept well in a long time. Then again, I suffer from insomnia at home, too.

4. You've just returned from a fabulous, but muddy, three day trek. To your delight, the hotel room not only has a great view of the mountains you've just been in, but has a bathtub. You're not really much of a bather (having trouble reconciling that you are soaking in your own filth), but the idea of soaking weary bones in a hot tub (hot water!!) while reading a book is enormously pleasing to you. As you draw the bath and disrobe, something tells you to close and lock the bathroom door, which is a good thing because after a short while you hear a key in your room's lock and the unmistakable sound of the door opening! Alarmed, you

The correct answer is "b." Whatever your notions of customer service are, pack them away for a trip to the Western world. The response to my gentle raising of the invasion was an embarrassed giggle and the explanation that, yes, sometimes the help forgets to knock. This forgetting to knock also happened to me my first night in Saigon. Shortly after I checked in, the door to my room just opened and there appeared a man to replenish the bottled water stock. Fortunately, I was dressed and not in the bathroom with the door open. And also fortunately (and somewhat justifying my large bags), my friend DJ gave me a doorstop alarm which I inaugurated that evening and have used many times since!

5. What can you live with in your room? Circle as many as applicable.

The correct answer is "a" through "f." I exaggerate on that last item. It only came to mind because my hostess in Pai, Thailand proudly announced that I didn't need to worry about snakes and scorpions getting in my bungalow because she had carefully cleared the grounds around it. I didn't even know to be worried about them, which of course, I then had to be. When I first arrived in Southeast Asia and saw that I no longer had to share rooms, I was delighted. I soon modified that understanding to mean I no longer shared my rooms with people. The geckos are ubiquitous, no matter how nice the establishment. After awhile, they become cute to you, sort of like the obnoxious guy who used to sit next to you in Chemistry.